Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Hey, Moms: Its okay!

I was inspired by a few ecards on Pinterest to do this post. I'll probably have a lot of comments about how inappropriate some of these things are and how "not" okay they are, but oh well. Its meant to be taken lightly, obviously I don't mean this as a "how-to" for moms! Just some humor! I had every one all over my ass about my hair tutorial because my lovely 2 year old is throwing a tantrum in the background because I wouldn't let her touch my HOT flat iron so I sat her right in front of me and told her just to watch me do my hair instead of trying to do it for me. Apparently I had some people about ready to call CPS on me or something because I didn't stop what I was doing and make her stop crying, I instead talked to her through the video and apologized for the screaming that was going on. Evidently no one read that disclaimer though so there ya go. Life with a 2 year old. GTFover it. (: Anyway, back to the post.

As a mom I know there are things I swore I'd never do as a parent that I now do nearly on a daily basis. And my kids are just fine. And that my loves is the inspiration behind this. Enjoy!

Perfectly normal imperfect parenting techniques:

1. Bribing your children.
Look, you gotta do what you gotta do. And as moms we know that rewards are the best way to motivate your little one. So sometimes instead of rewarding them for something major like going to the potty, we might just have to give in and use an incentive to get what we want from them from the start.
Example: First one to lay down for naps gets a cookie!

2. Taking a break from wiping up every drop of spilled juice, picking up every crumb, and washing every dirty face. 
This is especially true if you're a stay at home mom. Sometimes you just don't feel like literally walking behind them cleaning. And I don't just mean cleaning the house, I mean cleaning THEM. So yes, somedays its perfectly acceptable to ignore the red stains around their mouth from juice, and to pretend you just didn't notice that they might have a sprinkle or two of pee on their underwear or panties because they didn't get them down fast enough when they were going to the bathroom. After all, they're just going to do it again in a little while and who has to wash all those dirty clothes? You guessed it.

3. Eating food off the floor.
Spend 30 minutes preparing lunch, and what's the first thing that wild child does when they go to take a bite? Drop it right smack in the floor, of course. Before I was a parent I would have easily said, ohmygosh, throw that food away and make them something else! Now? Well... now that 5 second rule might get extended to 15 seconds. And if I just vacuumed or just swept and mopped before they got up, I'm not above eating the food myself. Disgusting? Kind of. Good time management? Definitely.

4. Letting the TV be a babysitter.
Well this one I'm really on the fence about. I'm not really as into it as a lot of parents I know, but only because of the way my children behave when it happens. I'm not above it though. You can bet if I have a headache or just didn't get enough sleep the night before, I don't mind one bit popping a movie in the DVD player and shutting the door to their room and letting them hang out ALL day, letting Mickey take care of most of the supervision. Their rooms are baby-proofed, they can open the door and come and goes as they please, and food is served, so, why not? 

5. Letting the TV sing them to sleep.
This one goes hand in hand with #4 but its just as important for a mom's survival at times. Despite my children having the exact same bedtime every single night, there are nights they just aren't having it. Does it mean I want to put all of my effort into getting them to lay down and go sleep? Well no, of course not. So sometimes the easiest thing to do is get them bathed, put in pajamas, tucked in, and let them try their hardest to watch a movie instead of going to sleep. We all know how quickly you can fall asleep when your concentrating on something else.

6. Giving into whining.
I love the idea of ignoring tantrums. Its wonderful. However, it isn't always a possibility. Sometimes you have to just give in, and any mom who says she never does this is full of shit. I mean, I'm just being honest ;)
DS: "I want a cup nowwwwwwwww! Give me a cup! MOMMY! AGGGHHH! A cup!"
Me: Immediately drop everything I'm doing, give the boy a cup.
(again this isn't every time, but I mean if I'm on the phone with a doctor and can't hear due to the tantrum being thrown next to me, I'm going to do what I can to make it stop.)

7. Lie to them.
Oh this ones bad, but I guarantee you its the MOST common "bad" thing every single mom does.
Once your child can grasp things being "gone" this becomes super common and easy.
DD: "Mommy, I want to play with your phone! Please!"
Mom: "No baby, its broke, sorry." (phone is sitting right next to you, perfectly functional.)

8. You throw away their beautiful works of "art"
Oh the shame. Every mom should keep every thing their child ever draws right?
Well honestly if you did that, your entire house, ceiling and walls included, would be plastered with drawings of lines, scribbles, and less-than-appealing colors all piled on top of one another. My daughter can go through an entire pack of drawing paper within an hour and never draw anything other than a line or two in different colors.  I do get that guilty feeling in my stomach when I toss the stuff, but I'm anti clutter! I just can't hold onto every single thing they ever make!

9. Skipping baths.
This is huge in my house. When my child's doctor actually told me to only bathe the kids once every 3 days (eczema) I thought it was horrific! Disgusting! Then I started doing it and thought, "Wow! What a time saver!" Ha! Really though, most days me and the kids just sit around the house coloring, playing with dolls, and watching movies. We don't even step outside. So why take baths every day? Baby wipes do just fine! ;)

10. Letting sleeping babies sleep. No matter what.
Ask any mom the craziest place her child has ever fallen asleep and you'll get some INSANE answers. Even more insane sometimes is that we just might let them get that nap out right there. When you've been trying all day to get your child to go to sleep before you go to the grocery store and they refuse, and then they even fight it all the way to the store and scream the entire time your inside, only to slip into a coma-like state just as you turn your blinker on to turn into your driveway, there's no way anyone in their right state of mind would pick that child up and wake them up. Hell no! You park that car in the shade, creep out of the car as quietly as possible, open the doors, roll the windows down, whatever you gotta do, and you peek out every few minutes to make sure they're okay, and you let that baby sleep!
Fell asleep in the high chair, hands still smashed in their sandwich? Let 'em sleep, and get out of that kitchen as fast as possible!

11. Ignoring that wet diaper.
Ideally we'd change diapers after every little sprinkle, right?
But when its 4 am and you go into the nursery to peek in on your sweet little one who is snoozing soundly, and you notice that diaper is swelling like no ones business, you have a choice. Wake the little guy and change him, and then listen to him scream for an hour afterwards, or pray that it doesn't leak and let him sleep for another couple of hours and change it first thing after waking up. Choices, choices.

12. Laughing when they do something bad.
When your kid drops something and says "Shit!" its probably not the best idea in the world to laugh at them. But sometimes its hilarious. Actually, most times. Who cares where they heard it. No ones judging here!

13. Not caring what they eat.
Sometimes it just doesn't matter. Hungry babies mean fussy babies. And some days, especially in that second year, kids refuse every food you put in front of them. Its exhausting. So every now and then if you make them eggs for breakfast and they scream and kick and ask for a Little Debbie cake, you just give it to them.

14. Kool-Aid.
An entire CUP of sugar required for every pack (you know the sugar free kind taste like crap).
They drink the entire jug before dad gets home from work.
Oh well.

15. Getting a babysitter just because.
Hate parents who let someone watch their kid every weekend to go out and drink?
Send your kids to the sitter (or grandparents) every weekend to stay up all night, have "private" time with your husband, and sleep all day?

16. Letting them cry.
You know they're okay. You know they just want out of the crib. But you're right in the middle of something, whatever it may be, and every one says spoiling a kid is a bad idea. So you choose the cry it out method, even if they aren't going to sleep, and convince yourself you're teaching them to soothe themselves.

17. Hiding in the bathroom, the closet, the pantry, wherever.
Feed your kids a delicious and healthy snack when you're craving a king sized Snickers, sneak off, lock the door and eat it. Kids screaming at the door? Just adds to the fun of it.

18. Letting them watch a bad show/movie just so you don't miss it.
Its time for the new episode of Sons of Anarchy.
Do you miss it and catch it later so your kids can sit and watch another Disney movie or better yet send them to their room and listen to them scream so loud that your neighbors would think something VERY bad was going on?
Hell no. Sit 'em down and teach 'em a thing or two about what not to do in life. Duh. We all know in this day and age Facebook and Twitter will spoil EVERY episode of every show if you miss it!

19. Dress them for you.
There is a very small window when you can dress them the way you want to so take advantage of it.
Every time you put that HORRIBLE huge bow on your daughter's head and force her to wear itchy nylons, just remind yourself that in a few short years you'll be arguing over her slutty outfits of choice. Sad, but true.

20. Not giving them your techie toys just because every other mom does.
So what if there are 10,000 free toddler apps.
So what if every time you go to a restaurant you see kids playing with iPads and iPhones.
Those things aren't cheap!
I wouldn't pay $600 for a kid's toy, and I'm sure not going to give them MY $600 toy just to shut them up.