Tuesday, March 4, 2014

And twins makes 5....

I haven't updated in months. Like months and months and months. I take a step back from every thing here and there and the blog was included in that. Needless to say, things get a little hectic around here with three kids who are all mobile and crazy!

When my 5 year old got settled into school and that whole routine and a new baby girl was introduced into our family (I'm an aunt now!), baby fever kicked in. This tends to happen when my "baby" becomes a toddler, hence the reason I have had babies so close together. Once they're getting potty trained and running around talking, I start missing having a teeny tiny baby that lets me hold it and I start nagging my man for a little one.

So, here we are. We "tried" for a bit over a month before I finally missed a period. TMI but I'm very regular as far as my cycle goes so when that week rolled around and I wasn't feeling like I was about to start, I pretty much knew it was coming. Sure enough I woke up the day I would usually start and took a pregnancy test, and it already read positive. I know now looking back that this was a very strong sign that I was carrying twins, but I didn't know that then. I start on the 15th every month and its always in the morning and I woke up on the 15th and took a test and it was positive so technically I hadn't even missed my period yet and it was already picking up on a very cheap, generic pregnancy test.

I didn't get to a doctor for my actual pregnancy confirmation until I was 9 weeks. By that 9th week, I had already experienced almost crippling exhaustion. I was having a hard time doing anything whatsoever. I had a hard time convincing myself to even get up and brush my teeth. Pretty much within seconds of my first ultrasound, twins showed. Evidently its not very common for twins to be evident at 9 weeks, but there was no denying these two.


I'm 16 weeks at the moment and not many of those early pregnancy symptoms have diminished. The fatigue has been the hardest thing to deal with. I had a lot of nausea but no vomiting and it was never to the point that I couldn't function. However, that fatigue... it got me. It got me bad. I felt like the worst mom in the world because I was having such a hard time even getting up and getting my son ready for school in the mornings because I was so sleepy. I have overslept, caused him to miss the bus, and once even flat out let him skip school that day because he said he was sleepy and, well, so was I. I've had some pretty severe headaches, extreme aches and pains, and might I add the most uncomfortable hunger ever.

I say its uncomfortable because...well... it is. I'm not hungry. I don't want to eat. I have no appetite. But my babies... they're aching for some food. The first 12 weeks I can honestly say absolutely the only thing that eased my nausea was eating. At least every hour, but preferably every half hour, I needed to eat. Even if I only took a bite or two out of whatever was there, I at least had to consume something. I also had the most severe dry mouth I think I've ever experienced in my lifetime. That's another thing that hasn't quite worked itself out yet. Despite eating all the time, I've actually lost weight rather than gaining it. My belly has gotten very prominent, so I'm assuming that every thing I am eating is going straight to the babies and I'm just getting left out. I can't complain. As long as they're healthy, I'm okay.

I look pretty horrible just to be honest. I know, I know- I'm not supposed to be vain. Vanity while pregnant is just... pointless... but I can't escape it. I look in the mirror and I look like a zombie. A bloated, starving zombie. It takes twice as much concealer as usual to cover my dark under eye circles, my body stays covered in bruises (I'm assuming this is just a low iron issue or something), my hair is dry and brittle and I never feel like fixing it. My skin goes back and forth between clear and glowing and looking like a 16 year old. I've lost weight as well as a pants size so all of my clothes kind of hang off of me, yet they don't cover my belly. Thanks to my pregnancy clumsiness, I've also got myself a sprained ankle and foot, so I get to hobble around as well. But hey--- all is well!

I've been really frustrated with the lack of twin pregnancy blogs. It seems all of the ones I find are a bit too... medical for me. No real experience, just what-to-expect-when-you're-expecting type of things. Also, I've noticed most of them are results of fertility treatments rather than just an OMG situation. When you're expecting one baby, especially in a planned pregnancy, and you see two, its definitely a lot to take it. There's almost this reaction to scream because its so overwhelming. On the way home from the doctor that morning I remember all I could think was "I'm going to be HUGE!" Again, vanity, but I can't stop myself. I work really hard to get my body back after my babies so knowing I'm carrying two is a lot to take in. There's also a lot of fear which I don't feel like any blogs have referenced very much.

I myself am preparing for my fourth cesarean section. This was scary to me when I thought about twins. My doctor told me after my last surgery that he would be comfortable doing one more but that was probably it. So of course when I heard there were two babies, it was scary.
I'll be totally honest and say that we even warned every one not to get too excited about the prospect of twins until I got the okay from my doctor to carry them. I'll get a lot of hate for this but I couldn't bring myself to get attached to them because my husband and I had already decided if we were told it was too high risk for me to carry them and deliver them, that I might have to terminate the pregnancy because I wouldn't leave my three children I already have without a mother just so I could move forward with this. Of course I know all pregnancies are risky but its really scary when you get high up there with the C-sections and get the news that you're having twins.

Anyway, here we are at 16 weeks and all has went smoothly. My next appointment is in exactly a week and I'm hoping we can get more detailed answers then. I really want to try to keep every one updated on every thing because I have just searched and searched for more twin pregnancy info and came up empty handed or at least disappointed. I still look every week for someone I can connect with, someone who is dealing with what I am, and I never find anything. I'm so tired and exhausted that it honestly depresses me, and every thing is so different this time around. My skin itches all over and its dry. These kids are literally draining the life out of me, but its okay. My emotions have been up and down; sometimes I've had such a hard time with the hunger that I've actually cried because I just want to eat. I wake up in the middle of the night with hunger pangs. A lot of mornings I can't even sit up until I have food BROUGHT to me and I then eat it laying down. Its been a huge change for me. Of course the lack of bladder control has been an issue too.... between that and the hunger I don't get much rest at all.

I'm adding a few progress pictures here because I don't find many of those either. Keep in mind this is my fourth pregnancy so don't be too hard on me :) There's a short little "stat" survey at the end as well.

First "belly shot" at 9 weeks
13 weeks
16 weeks
How Far Along? 16 weeks and 2 days
Symptoms: Sleepy all the time, no energy. "I'm-going-to-rip-someone's-head-off-if-I-don't-eat" hunger, very tight & crowded feeling in stomach.
Total Weight Gain/Loss:  I lost a total of 15 lbs the first trimester. Thankfully I've gained 2 this week.
Sleep: I want to sleep all the time but have a really hard time getting there. I fall asleep out of no where but the slightest things wake me up and once I'm awake I have a hard time getting back to sleep. Very vivid dreams and having a super hard time breathing out of my nose so I'm "mouth breathing" and snoring so loud I wake myself up.
Food Cravings: PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! This is a constant in my life and I'm loving it. I also want condiments... mayonnaise, sweet and sour sauce, and BBQ sauce. Jalapeno peppers and tomatoes. And gummy worms.
Best Moment This Week: Feeling super strong movement from both babies rather than just one.
Movement: Neither baby moves a lot, but when they move they are both so strong. It feels almost like they get stuck when I move because the times I feel them the most are when I move in an awkward position, like bending down to get something at an angle or leaning up from a flat position, and I always feel them right under my rib cage.
Labor Signs: None
Gender: Hopefully we'll find out next week! Everyone says boy and a girl, but I have a gut feeling its two girls. My daughter says B&G (boy on the left, girl on the right) and my oldest son says its two girls.
Belly Button In Or Out? All in!
What I Miss: Energy. Energy drinks. Smaller boobs (I hate these huge things)
What I Am Looking Forward To: Seeing them in the next ultrasound now that they'll really look like babies!
Milestones: Feeling baby #2 move (the one on the right)
Weekly Wisdom: When all else fails, eat some pizza.