Friday, March 25, 2011

25 Things Nobody Mentioned About Being a Stay at Home Mom

1. Being woken up by a screaming child never, ever gets less nerve racking.

2. All conversation skills will go out the window as all you'll find yourself saying is "hey, stop!" and "put that down" or my favorite, "I'm going to count to three.... One.... Two........"

3. You will learn to juggle breastfeeding, making lunch, and cleaning up the kitchen all at once.

4. ..... And holding a bottle and vacuuming, simutanaeously.

5. That Dora, Blue, Diego, Barney, and Spongebob and Patrick never, ever become less annoying.

6. No matter how many toys you buy your kids or how intriguing they are, they will never compete with anything breakable, sharp, or near and dear to Mommy and Daddy's heart, and no matter where you hide these items or how high up you place them, babies and toddlers will ALWAYS find them.

7. Even though you swore you'd never be one of those moms, sometimes it is just easier to throw the kids a little Debbie cake for snack, and plop em down in front of some cartoons so you can manage to sit down for more than 3 minutes.

8. Those 1 hour naps become shorter every day.

9. Despite what the men believe, you NEVER find the time to just "sit at home all day".

10. As pretty as it may be outside, the park is only fun..... The first 15 times.

11. You will become one of those moms who photograph everything....

12. And who update their facebook when their child poops in the potty for the first time, and every time one of the kids does something even remotely funny or cute.

13. You will become so familiar with your house that you can spot a new stain, tear, scuff mark, or misplaced item a mile away.

14. Kids can figure out ANY baby proofing system. I repeat, ANY!

15. You figure out it's easier and makes more sense to wait until an hour before the hubby gets home to do your makeup and fix your hair and get out of those sweats or pajama pants. After all you do want him to think you have it all under control :)

16. You'll give up on wearing white thanks to juicy juice, Kool Aid, and Pop Sicles

17. walking all the way to the nursery to lay baby down on the changing table becomes less conveinient everyday. You find yourself with a stash of diapers in the bathroom, living room, and bedroom, plus a diaper bag at the door.

18. Meal planning becomes much harder than you ever imagined it could be.

19. The dryer really does eat socks, but theres no way to make your husband believe it when he sees the growing basket of unmatched socks.

20. You'll no longer watch Desperate Housewives to check out the clothes or the gardener... Now you'll check out how spotless the houses are.

21. Reading blogs from other SAHMs will be the one thing that keep you from feeling like youre alone.

22. Those baby milestones make you so much prouder when you know you're the one who helped them reach them.

23. Weekends are just another day. The kids don't know the difference.

24. Dinnertime signals the end of a long day, which means a much more relieved Mama. All that's left is more cleaning.... Baths... And getting ready to start the next day. :)

25. It will never, ever be that fantasy housewife life that you played out in your head as a child. It will always be far less glamourous than you thought.

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